”Zhuangzi’s wife died. When Huizi went to convey his condolences, he found Zhuangzi sitting with his legs sprawled out, pounding on a tub and singing. ‘You lived with her, she brought up your children and grew old,’ said Huizi. ‘It should be enough simply not to weep at her death. But pounding on a tub and singing – this is going too far, isn’t it?’
Zhuangzi said, ‘You’re wrong. When she first died, do you think I didn’t grieve like anyone else? But I looked back to her beginning and the time before she was born. Not only the time before she was born, but the time before she had a body. Not only the time before she had a body, but the time before she had a spirit. In the midst of the jumble of wonder and mystery a change took place and she had a spirit. Another change and she had a body. Another change and she was born. Now there’s been another change and she’s dead. It’s just like the progression of the four seasons, spring, summer, fall, winter.
Now she’s going to lie down peacefully in a vast room. If I were to follow after her bawling and sobbing, it would show that I don’t understand anything about fate. So I stopped.’”
“The cradle rocks above an abyss, and common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness.”
—Vladimir Nabokov, Speak, Memory
After MDMA use:
1) Some people feel in better spirits and more focused after an MDMA experience, usually for 1-5 days. Most people, for their first number of uses of MDMA (1-25) experience very little negative side effects aside in the days after use and some find they enjoy these days.
2) Some people feel less able to focus mentally on tasks for 1-7 days.
3) Some people find their vision is fuzzier for 1-7 days.
4) Some people experience a fuzziness of memory or lack of ability to focus on ‘trivial tasks’ such as remembering phone numbers for up to 6 weeks after ingestion.
5) Some people experience balance problems or dizziness for up to 4 weeks after use. This is normally associated with dangerously high doses or overly frequent use (multiple days per week).
6) Some people experience mild to strong depression for 1-14 days after use.
7) Some people’s experience of the after effects changes with increased use, going from feeling good after MDMA use to feeling quite bad.
8) Some people find that after a certain number of uses of MDMA (from as low as 10 sessions, average of samples somewhere between 15-25, no good data here), MDMA no longer feels as ‘good’, the good feelings dont last as long, the body load during the experience is greater, the near term (1-2 days) aftereffects are significantly worse, and the longer term (1-4 weeks) after effects become noticeably unpleasant.
9) Some people never experience any ‘loss of magic’ from MDMA.
10) For some people, no length of hiatus returns MDMA to its original effects. The ‘loss of magic’ appears to be a lifetime cumulative effect.
12) Taking MDMA doses on successive days seems to enhance the negative effects and decrease the positive effects of MDMA.